The Skinny Kid

Who can resist a headline like that one? As it turns out, however, there are some drawbacks.

ScienceDaily: Could Carrots Be The Secret To A Long-life And Sex Appeal?

Researchers at the Universities of Glasgow and Exeter have found that eating certain plant substances can slow down the rate of ageing - and that females prefer mates that will be long-lived.Carotenoids are naturally-occurring yellow and red pigments found in plants. Animals that eat those plants can then use the pigments to make themselves colourful in order to attract mates. But carotenoids are also antioxidants, which improve an animal’s ability to combat oxidative stress and strengthen its immune system.

This latest research has found for the first time that males eating more carotenoids were better able to protect their cells from damage and so lived longer - and that females found these long-lived males particularly attractive.

The work was carried out on sticklebacks, and compared the fate of fish that all received the same basic diet but had different amounts of carotenoid supplement. Male sticklebacks need carotenoids to produce the red throat patch that they develop in the breeding season and display to females.

Not being a stickleback, but being a fairly regular carrot eater, I have not noticed swarms of female humans rushing to mate with me. The well-known article outlining the longevity/beta carotene impacts on human sexuality was decidedly less encouraging.

Okay, but what about women who don’t share April’s natural attraction to underweight men? Women like my girlfriend, for instance, who was happy enough to see the first ten pounds drop off my calorie-restricted frame but likes the shape I’m in less and less as my weight keeps dropping?

“You might have to change girlfriends,” Paul quips, though it’s not exactly clear to me he’s kidding. He seems quite serious, for instance, as he barrels on into a brief oration on the beauty of the calorie-restricted male physique and the need to rethink our cultural standards of male beauty. “Men are stereotyped and still associated with Arnold Schwarzenegger and that kind of thing,” he complains. “But to be honest, when I see a man like Michael, I think that’s how a man should be. I think he looks absolutely handsome—intelligent, dapper, sexy. It’s a mark of intelligence, of how a great role model should be: slim, bright, calorie-restricted!”

All eyes now fall on Michael, naturally, and for the first time, I get a good look at his hands. And though I’m sure the light must be playing tricks on me, I can’t help thinking that those hands are actually a vivid shade of …

“I know, isn’t it pretty?” asks April. “I love the orange. I call him the Orange One.”

Michael smiles, just a little. “I consume an enormous amount of carotenoids—beta-carotene and lycopene—which are found in foods like carrots, kale, tomatoes,” he explains. “If I had skin like yours, the effect probably would be barely noticeable, but because my skin is an extremely pasty white to begin with … ”

“So wait,” Adam interjects, “you eat so much kale, tomatoes, and carrots that your hands actually turn orange?”

“Yes, isn’t it pretty?” April asks again.

And sure, I’m thinking, maybe it is. And maybe if I look a little harder, I’ll eventually see with my own eyes just how pretty Michael’s orange hands really are. But first, I’m going to need a moment to deal with the slight attack of existential vertigo that’s hitting me just now. All evening, I have let the bubbling enthusiasm and essential reasonableness of my guests carry me past the little weirdnesses that go with being calorie-restricted. But the weirdnesses are starting to pile up, and my guests are looking weirder and weirder themselves, like emissaries from a future I’m not sure could ever feel like home: a world where the food grows in vats, where the porn industry just barely survives on government subsidies, where the physically ideal male has the BMI of Mary-Kate Olsen and the skin tones of an Oompa-Loompa.

I take a deep breath then and think, A world where 80 is the new 40. And suddenly, all those little weirdnesses seem quite manageable again.”

You’ll have to make up your own mind on this one.

Apparently it makes you fat and sterile.

Rochester Study Connects Common Chemicals To Rising Obesity Rates

Exposure to phthalates, a common chemical found in everything from plastics to soaps, already has been connected to reproductive problems and now, for the first time, is linked to abdominal obesity and insulin resistance in adult males, according to a study by the University of Rochester Medical Center.

On the other hand, sterility is probably not an issue for those who never bathe.

ScienceDaily: Eating Ice Cream May Help Women To Conceive, But Low-fat Dairy Foods May Increase Infertility Risk

Drinking whole fat milk and eating ice cream appears to be better for women trying to become pregnant than a diet consisting of low-fat dairy products such as skimmed milk and yoghurt, according to new research published in Europe’s leading reproductive medicine journal, Human Reproduction, today (28 February).

So ladies, there is one thing that can be guaranteed: eat enough ice cream and your belly will get bigger. You can save the pickles for the pregnancy itself.

ScienceDaily: Lifestyle Changes Can Improve Male Sexual Function, According To New Study

In a study published in the February 2007 issue of The American Journal of Medicine, researchers report that erectile dysfunction was significantly and independently associated with age, cardiovascular disease, diabetes, and lack of physical activity. There was an especially high prevalence of erectile dysfunction among men with hypertension and diabetes.

So let’s see… obesity leads to higher cardiovascular and diabetes risk, and also makes you less attractive to potential partners, so it seems like the link to erectile dysfunction is sort of self-reinforcing.

So eat less, and have more time and energy to… well… you know.

Eating trans fats may increase infertility risk - Women’s Health - MSNBC.com

The more trans fats a woman eats, the more likely she is to be infertile, Dr. Jorge E. Chavarro of the Harvard School of Public Health in Boston and colleagues found.

Which means the down side of New York’s recent ban on trans fats could be more New Yorkers.